Volvo does not have a HelpDesk for people who do not know how to drive,
because people do not buy cars like they buy computers - but
imagine if they did ...

                                                   * * *

HelpDesk: "Volvo HelpDesk, how can I help You?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HelpDesk: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ingnition?"
HelpDesk: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of
these technical terms just to use my car?!"

                                                   * * *

HelpDesk: "Volvo HelpDesk, how can I help You?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpDesk: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? I don't know."
HelpDesk: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
HelpDesk: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor
to install it for you."
Customer: "What?! I paid $12.000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have
to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
everything built in!"

                                                   * * *

HelpDesk: "Volvo HelpDesk, how can I help You?"
Customer: "Your car suck!"
HelpDesk: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HelpDesk: "What were you doing?"
Customer: " I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed - and
now it won't start!"
HelpDesk: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't
crash!"

                                                   * * *

HelpDesk: "Volvo HelpDesk, how can I help You?"
Customer: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power
brakes and power door locks."
HelpDesk: "Thank's for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpDesk: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know what?"
HelpDesk: "Do you know how to D-R-I-V-E?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go to places in my
car!"